Some South African Jokes - local is lekker! actually local is dark…
By Kelly | January 25, 2008
We have even called in re-inforcements:-
Good thing we don’t have the death penalty!:-The characters below, “Gatiep” are your standard South African “coloured”. Jan:
Gatiep and Karools are sitting on death row. Gatiep says to the Warder, does this take long and is it painful? Warder say’s “no they just strap you in and flick the switch and its over”.
Karools is called in, moments later Gatiep hears screaming shouting and this carries on for quite a while.
Gatiep says to the Warder I thought you said it was quick and painless.
Warder replies, ” as a result of the Eskom load shedding we are using candles.”
Ah and the good old one liners:-
- What did SA use before candles? - Electricity
- These two satanists pray to the prince of darkness.. their prayers were answered by Eskoms call desk.
- With immediate effect “Nkosi Sikelele iAfrika” will be replaced as the National Anthem with: “Hello Darkness, my old Friend”
- What is the difference between the Titanic and South Africa?… The Titanic went down with it’s lights on.
What about 2010?
Your Stars Foretell : By S. Com (The Future Made Clear - dark, but clear-eish )
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 21) : Things will be pretty dark for you today, unless you remember to buy new torch batteries.
Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) : You’ll probably eat cold, raw food again today. Try to remember to get that gas cylinder filled! Be cheerful, though, and remember that your ancestors lived like this and survived - 25,000 years ago.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 22) : There will be a programme on TV tonight that you’ll love. Bu mmer that you can’t watch it ’cause it’s on during your allotted “block” in the Eskom disco derby…
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 23) : Thought you were smart buying that generator? But we know you’re going to run out of fuel tonight and the nearest working petrol station is 20km away. As you get there, we’ll cut their power… Sorry.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 24) : Another morning without that essential cup of coffee awaits you… If you make it to 10am we’ll reward you with enough power to make some, but by then you’ll probably have killed 3 people and severely injured a 4th. (Don’t worry, though. This is the New SA - you’ll probably get away with it.)
Virgo (Aug 24- Sep 23) : Not for very much longer… What else is there to do after dark?
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 23) : Your star-sign stands for fairness and justice. That’s why we’re going to hit your area with three 2hr outages a day, while the area where your local MP stays will enjoy uninterrupted power throughout.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 23) : Your area’s assigned outage “block” is from 10:00 to 12:30. Expect the power to go off any time before or after that. And don’t think it will only be out for two-and-a-half hours, either.
Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 22) : Today you’ll buy some food that is apparently within its sell-by date. What you won’t realize is that the sell-by date is for food that has been stored in a constantly operating fridge…. Although you’ll get severe food poisoning, we think you may survive if you can find an emergency ward that has back-up generators. Good luck!
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 21) : Don’t bother to go to work today. During the hours when you actually will have electricity, your network provider will not, so you won’t be able to do anything anyway. Stay home and well…. there’s not much to do there either, is there?
Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 20) : Today you’ll get so fed up with our incompetence that you’ll decide to emigrate. We regret to inform you that this is no longer possible… The airports have all shut down, because - well think about it! They need electricity to run the place!! You ain’t going - nowhere…
Pisces (Feb 20 - Mar 21) : Today all your hopes and dreams will come true. You’ll have power during “Days of Our Lives”.
If today is your birthday : Use lots and lots of candles on that cake - even if they don’t reflect your age. How else are you going to see to open the presents?
You will receive the ideal gift - your very own miner’s helmet!!
Just digging at the Aussies again…
Some Australians were in Durban on holiday. They decided to check out Lugs to getta feel of Indian culture.
They were sighted by some Territorial Phoenicians… the guys were not impressed that these white boys dare invade their sections
So, in proud Phoenician/Chatsworthian culture ….the Phoenicians approach the Australians…
the “leader” of the Phoenicians addresses the biggest of the Australians,
” ek se bra…u came here to die?!!”
[in English: “i say dude…”]
the Australian replies,
” no mate….we came here yesterdaai”
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Crazy Quotes
By Kelly | January 25, 2008
Well now, don’t we all have quotes below our emails? mmm, speaking for myself, I like to have new fun ones every now and again. So here are some I really enjoyed:-
- ” How to your baby walker: First remove baby.” - Anonymous Manufacturer
- “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx
- “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
- “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” - Britney Spears, Pop Singer
- He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
- Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
- Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
- The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. — General George Patton
- I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. — Thomas Jones
- Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives. — Abba Eban
- Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
- Power means not having to respond.
And a man I think I would of loved to meet, the author Mark Twain. This is the guy who wrote Tom Sawyer, Huckelberry Fin…heard of him I am sure. This guy was either not a very good writer, which I doubt, or he was really funny.
- “The report of my death was an exaggeration.”
- “They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.”
- “The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.”
- “Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.”
- “You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.”
- “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.”
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Facebook and the apps
By Kelly | January 25, 2008
Well guys, hasn’t facebook.com just taken over the world! I have family on there who are well in their mid sixties. Someone emailed this to me recently: - 
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The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
By Kelly | November 19, 2007
Yet another self help book that has taken the world by storm. Personally self help books and DVD’s irritate me. It is one simple thought that gets spread out over and hour and a half or an entire book.
But what is the secret? The Secret is the Law of Attraction. Pretty much what you really want and believe you will get, you will get. Being positive and keeping your thoughts on your goals will send signals out to the universe, therefore the universe shall deliver. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not dissing the concept. I believe it truly does work. People always say I am lucky, but I always say I create my own luck. Things work because I believe it to work. I will insist that I am right, that it shall not go wrong… and hey the impossible seems to happen. So I guess I do believe in the Law of Attraction in its most basic sense. When things seem to be going disasterously, I use my good old saying - “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there”… it seems to help, maybe because I am not dwelling on the possible negative.
I am fascinated with quantum physics, I don’t really understand how it works on a low level, but it does work, we can see results. The Law of Attraction is plausible and it has seemed to work in my everyday life… but my biggest problem with “the Secret” is - is this creating an ever larger population of people (especially young people) who believe there is no God, and that you are a god? New age religion and thinking..
I have spent time with many people who are taking the “Law of Attraction” very seriously, I personally think science just proves what a wonderful creator we have and I hope people don’t forget that. Many of the things mentioned in the secret are mentioned in the bible, yes, put out differently, still glorifying God and not man, but some one still created the physical world, the laws that govern our very own solar system, - and the laws of quantum physics.
Interesting read, interesting DVD, but I think it should be left for discerning viewers.
Ha-ha may the force be with you:)
related sites:
Where to buy the book or DVD documentary:
kalahari.net
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SA SPRINGBOKS - 2007 winners of the RUGBY WORLD CUP
By Kelly | October 20, 2007
Today was a day of eager anticipation, every South African felt the electric charge of patriotism. Flags were flying, cars were covered with slogans, green and gold every where you looked… beer sales were at an all time high.
Even President Thabo Mbeki was there in
All and all - what a dirty match between
Well done guys! Now we can finally stop reminiscing about 1995!! The boys did it again!!
Final score 6 - 15
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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
By Kelly | July 26, 2007
I am currently half way through the book. It is jamb packed with action and I am finding it very exciting. Ever few pages it reveals secrets and doubts. The characters are even more grown up than before.
I was 15 when I read the first Harry Potter book. It was a little bit too young for me, but I was lazy and the book seemed simple. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the book. Now ten years later and a eager reader, I have waited anxiously for the last 4 books. So far in my reading of the book, I am sure it is going to have a conclusive end and unlike so many tv programmes we follow for years - we will get our answers to all our questions.
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A re-cap of Harry Potter and the Half-blooded Prince… and what will follow
By Kelly | July 18, 2007
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - lets recap. I can NOT wait for the delivery of the next Harry Potter book. I have had it on order with www.kalahari.net for over 3 months!!
There are so many speculations on the contents of the final book in the series - I have read many of them and at this point I am a bit confused about what was in the last book - Harry Potter and the Half Blood prince, so I though a little re-cap would be a good idea…
A quick once over:
Dumbledore and Harry spend most of this book investigating horcruxes, things that contain Voldemort’s soul - Voldemort had split his soul into seven pieces and hid the pieces in magical items and the 7th one is inside his own body - this was all done in an attempt to protect himself.
Obviously then, to destroy Voldemort you have to destroy all the horcruxes… and this will be continued through to the next and final book.
Professor Snape (my favourite character and oh, how I really want him to be good!!), who at the tear jerking climax of the last book killed the good old Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. - This is after Dumbledore has spent the entire series of books proclaiming that Snape is good - not playing both fields and has no ulterior motives. mmm… and all along Harry thinks he is a slimebag… but Harry is not often wrong, but I hope he is this time. Maybe there is a reason why Dumbledore wanted Snape to kill him? … or am I just a little too desperate!!
They go back to school and they have a funeral for Dumbledore and the last few pages are of a conversation between Harry and Scrimgeour - the guy from the ministry of magic… and Harry still professes his loyalty to the dead Dumbldore and refuses to tell anyone - especially Scrimgeour, where he and Dumbledore had been the night Dumbledore died.
Here is where the next book is going to be interesting… Harry and co decide to deal with their grief by avenging Dumbledore’s death and continue his work. Now does this mean that The Half Blood prince was the end of Hogwarts? - they imply that they don’t return to the Hogwarts school - will there be more cutsie school life trivia?
If I remember correctly - Harry has a thing for Ron’s sister, Ginny Weasley - they break up right near the end of the book - Harry being all protective and noble as usual. Good old Ron - blimey! finally gets a girlfriend for a short time - Lavender Brown, and Tonk’s has a huge thing for Lupin - Lupin thinks he is too old, too poor and too dangerous for her… And McGonagall appears to be the new headmistress of Hogwarts.
This will be the huge finale between Voldie and Harry - “neither can live while the other survives.” Rowling has said she killed off two major characters????? This leaves huge questions now - don’t you think?? but their are many “huge” characters… Hagrid, Hermoine. Ron, any of course all the Weasley’s… oh the list is endless.
Remember those initials that are found on the fake locket, R.A.B - it seems this person is also searching for the 7 items and is a few steps ahead of Harry.
The thing I am looking forward to is - Aunt Petunia, she seemed to know more than she lets on… I vaugly remember a quote from Rowling hinting she might play a significant role in this final book.
Onwards to Saturday the 21th July 2007!! I will be up at first light watching the driveway like a hawk! or maybe an owl.
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Final Fantasy XII - Theme 2
By Kelly | July 17, 2007
Here is another Final Fantasy theme, for those who like options…
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Hikaru no Go
By Kelly | July 17, 2007
Here is another fun Anime theme… hope you enjoy! I wouldn’t have believed I would enjoy an entire Anime series of Hikaru no Go. - It is all about a young boy who discovers a ghost inside a Go b oard and how he learns to play the game of Go exceptionally wel. - But surprisingly - a very addictive anime and I really enjoyed it. I even learned how to play Go - even though I suck!
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Final Fantasy Theme XII
By Kelly | July 16, 2007
For the Final Fantasy fans out there … I loved the graphics of xii.
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